Monday, July 27, 2009

What's it all for?

As I watch the upload wheel spin on my screen, I recall the conversation I had with a friend on Saturday night. We spoke for some time over the mobile phone while he waited for his ride back up north at the bus terminal. I, on the other hand, had time to kill while waiting for my ride to Dreamland.

The wheel is still spinning. I think Hotmail must be experiencing some problems at the moment. I also wonder if my friend is still up north. He would either be undergoing some training of some sort or sitting in on a meeting right now. Oh, no, perhaps he is having lunch.

With what seems like so much to do with so little time to do them (especially now when I have what seems like a million things), watching the spinning upload wheel spurs me to ask if all this will come to something. Like my friend, the nature of his job requires him to travel four states to provide his services. He may be in Ampang this morning, Raub in the afternoon and Klang in the evening. After work, he is in the office till past midnight to do stuff.

He asked me, "Why am I rushing from one place to another all the time?" I was tempted to give him a literal reply - because your time management is not up to par, maybe? But no, I refrained.

"I rush here, rush there. All this rushing for what? It's not like I'd get paid much more if I get more work done - my salary has been what it is for a long time. If I don't continue with this job, would other people hire me? Sigh, all this for who? For the big boss. So, really, what has all this got for me?"

I asked myself the same question - what's it all for? Reflecting on my own life, I started to ponder if the rat race that we are all in is basically something to distract us from realising our true selves. We work, and work, and work some more. We 'aim' to provide our families and ourselves better, more comfortable lives. But how do we reach our 'aim'? By blindly joining in the monotonous hum-drum of life? By being birds of a feather?

The same came to mind when Dad asked me what I wanted. I kept mum and eventually asked him if it was fine if I didn't know what I wanted. Not knowing what I want made life seem simpler. Why?

To me, it boils down to the same question - would there be a difference? At the end of the day, it does not really matter if you do know what you want, and if you do not. You still have to make ends meet, you still have to carry on living, no?

The difference lies in the definition you attach to what is done. So, say, let me ask you something. What's it all for?

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