Sunday, April 15, 2007

Missing you

Yesterday, I was at Bondi with friends. While some of them went surfing (and they had great waves yesterday), I stayed on the beach. Had a stroll and when the rest of the gang came back from the beer session, I joined the guys in frisbie.

We ended the day with great food, naturally. We had steak at Hog's Breath. Sumptious, just sumptious. Went home contented and surprisingly, still slightly bogged down with the thought of my assignment.

Decided to sleep in the hall with Shaun and Alfred, just for fun. I woke up this morning with my body aching as the mattress was super soft in comparison to mine. I prefer hard mattresses, as I think they are better for your back, and they are definitely more comfy.

But I was happy. Why? I had a dream. A dream of a person very dear to me. He was someone I got to know back in Form 2, back when we were 14. Actually, we weren't exactly 14 as my birthday is on Nov 19, his on Oct 10. I still remember the day his dad brought him to school for his first day. He was standing outside class, peering in every now and then. In my head, I was thinking, "Hey, is he joining our class? Hm, not bad wor. He's quite cute. A bit small though".

That was then. High school was lightyears ago. We developed a friendship, which to me, that was special. We'd have lunch together. I'd get Mum or Dad to send him home. We'd have arguments over the smallest issues. We'd laugh till we had stomach cramps.

I still remember the fight we had over some silly thing in volleyball. He came out to the bus stop to yell at me. I ended up crying and not talking to him for the next few weeks. Don't know how I managed to not talk to him for so long but I was glad that I didn't. Haha... at least I preserved some amount of dignity for myself.

We used to talk over the phone for hours although we'd just seen each other in school. To say that I did not feel attracted to him would be a lie. But I wasn't his type. Definitely not. And so what did I do? I helped spur him on in going after this chun chick who was 4 years our junior. She was a Malaysian-Chinese/French girl. Part-time model. Very sweet-looking girl with blue eyes, blondish hair but a Chinese name.

Did it hurt? Hell yeah. But I did it anyway. I figured that it would be selfish of me to hold on to him. I mean, we wouldn't have worked out anyway. Too unlikely, seriously.

I felt happy for him. I've always felt happy for him in everything he does. He's one person I find really hard not to be happy with, actually. That's so weird!

Even in the dream, he made me happy. Not indirectly like in real life, but directly. It was at his place. In real life, he lives in a condominium but in this dream, it was rather hard to tell. It was his birthday (or was it Ee-Lane's?) Oh well, it was a party celebrating something la. And I was there. I was invited to attend with the rest of our schoolmates. Ok, fast forward. Suddenly, my friends pulled me into the crowd. They were surrounding something or someone. I then saw him in the middle with a big bouquet of flowers. He called my name. I blushed.

Oh no! Did he just say my name? Ok, turn around and run away now. ARGH! So paiseh! Why would he give me a bouquet of flowers?? Why?

And Jeunn, you didn't help! You actually held me back! I so wanted to dash out and just fan myself before I passed out. I turned around to face him again. He walked right up to me. Looked straight into my eyes. I had to look away. I could feel my cheeks were warm. So were my ears. When he arrived right in front of me, he held my hands. Very gently, he put the flowers in my hands and he hugged me. I struggled to hold back my tears. He whispered in my ear like he did so many years ago: Happy birthday, Shij.

But we've moved on with our own lives now. I'm here in Sydney. He's back in KL. He hardly replies my SMSes. He doesn't even answer my calls. I seriously wonder if he's really THAT busy with work.

Am I angry? No. I should be, though. Am I upset? A little. And why? I think it's because somewhere deep inside, I know he still cares and thinks of me, too. He may not think of me everyday but that's not what matters.

What matters are the footprints that he has left in my journey of life.


Joanna said...

I know its a bit old, but thank you for this post... Love it

Chrys said...