Saturday, September 17, 2011

Just surreal

It is not everyday that you meet a person that makes you feel even tinier than how small you already feel. Have you met such a person? If you have, how often and in what ways do they make you feel so? What changes did you notice in yourself (if there was any) in their presence?

I spent the last 29 hours with such a person.

I probably have met many such persons in my soon-to-be 28 years of life on Earth but none with his character. Okay, and (cough) charisma.

It took some getting used to – to the way he talks, the mixed English slangs in his tone, his solid gaze and the portrayed certainty in his thoughts. Oh, and his wicked sarcasm.

Incredibly humbling would be how I would describe my initial feelings when I met him for the first time after exchanging e-mails for six months. That is in addition to how surreal the whole episode was. Is.

This had me wondering about why I felt small in his presence. He is like you and I, a normal human being with flesh and bone, with feelings and hormones. He has his flaws, too, so was it his confidence? Was it because he is a ‘somebody’? I am not quite sure.

I find that I err in the presence of such persons. And I think for silly reasons. Why would I, or should I feel pressured, especially in his presence? After all, we do not know each other (e-mail conversations do not count as getting to know a person, especially when they were initiated to arrange logistics) and there are no expectations in our behaviour patterns. But I suppose, it happens constantly, and even more so when we psych ourselves into believing that this one person is better than who we are.

And I did. I did believe that he is better. Well, he certainly has a more fertile streak of creativity than I do to step out of the box. He has a stronger sense of determination and courage to have made the decision to do what he is doing now. He has more life experience to ‘just take the risk’. Or at least, these were the qualities that I managed to observe in the short time I spent with him.

However, also within this time span, snippets of him made me think that maybe he is not better, just different but in an extremely interesting manner. I may have confused the two. Is a person who dares to step out of the box, to not conform, a ‘better’ person just because we do not dare to do the same? He would argue with me on this but no, I do not think that the former is better than the latter, just different.

There is a myriad of uncountable differences between each individual that comes into our lives. I choose to learn from my observations (however much I get to do) of each of them – to try to incorporate the positives while not emulating the negatives. I feel that these observations also make me more sensitive of my own shortcomings and make me strive even harder to improve.

Regardless of how he made me feel, the past 29 (now 30) hours have been surreal. It was not exactly dreamlike but erm, well, hard to describe in words. I suppose, put simply, it was just unusual to finally see a person for real after so long. Everything has been pretty surreal.

To meet him in person.
To see his Styrofoam cups.
To have him draw in my room.
To have him render me totally speechless by telling me that I made him feel like a hooker because I would pay for his bus fare.
And also by telling me that I enjoy stating the obvious.
To be able to visualise him in my mind when I read his blog posts.

I would like to thank him for have given me the opportunity to share a day of my life with him. It is a scary thing to decide to live with a houseful of people whom you do not know so yea, thank you.

I really do hope that he enjoyed his short stay with us because I surely did. My housemate did. My ex-housemates did. It was just surreal.

No comments: