Wednesday, April 19, 2006

Questions aplenty

With Josh's recent trip to bustling Sydney from peaceful Adelaide, my mind has been doing some thinking. As much as I do not plan to do such thinking, my mind just switches on by itself.

Why is it so hard to to be normal friends again?
Why is it that when we talk it feels superficial?
Why can't you admit that you are hurting and not perfect, too?
Why must we all pretend to be friends?
Why do first impressions last so long?
Why is it that when I try to make amends, everyone thinks that I'm up to no good?
What is so wrong with admitting my mistakes?
Why is it not right to express my feelings?
Is it not acceptable to put on a sad face when I feel sad and vice versa?
Why do people listen to the middle person but not the first person?
Isn't it more believable to hear of something right from the horse's mouth?
Why is it so hard to shake off bad impressions?
How do you patch things up with your ex's ex?
How do you patch things up with your ex?
How do you do all that and still concentrate on studies?
What must you do to make people believe that the other person was the one who was lying?
Why must life be a masquerade?
Why must life be a race to the end?
Why were we born just to die?
How do people change from one end of the spectrum to the other without realizing it?
Why do we still keep faith in people when there's nothing left to believe in?
Why do people lie and trick others for the benefit of the self?
How can two people just put everything down and start anew?
Why does it take just one second to hurt a person and a lifetime to heal the pain?

No matter what you do to justify your acts, people will have something to say about you, like it or not. I guess that's just human nature. When you can't have something you want, it's of no value. When you get it, you brag about it. Is that all there is to life? Getting something, showing it off and telling others off thinking that your way of achieving goals is the best.

People get what they want not by luck or chance, it's because of hard work. They do not merely show up for that one chance. I somehow still do not believe in luck because nothing in life comes for free. Heck, even if you pray 24/7 to any Upper Spirit, you will not achieve what you have set out to achieve if you just sit on your butt expecting things to happen before your very eyes. Like what my mum always say, "Don't work and see if you have food to eat or not? Don't study and see if you will pass the exam or not? If you don't work hard, how will you know when you are enjoying your life?"

With life being such a long and unexpected journey, the passers-by will be aplenty. Hence, I've resolved to just looking to my bunch of close friends and my family when things go awry for me. I'm tired with playing mind games and being all 'cutesy, feminine, nice" when I can be naturally myself. So what if not everyone likes me? Not everyone has known me long enough to know what I really am like. But then again, sometimes it only takes a break-up to know a person you thought you knew.

As my dearest friend Jon put it, "A bunch of close friends beats one lousy boyfriend anytime". I guess it's time to stop thinking about passers-by or else I'd be totally drained.

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